herumtreiber

Title: Musteltongue
Author

herumtreiber
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count: ~2,481
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fluff, humour, MPreg
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the rest belong to JK Rowling, I only play with them.
Summary: Draco reads Harry's email as the plot thickens like ferret fur :)
Notes: Draco's photo courtesy of

entropy12 :)

Table of contents

The plot bunny

Draco paced back and forth around the living room as he waited for Weasley and Granger. He took out his recording toffee and put it on the table, next to Harry’s laptop. Despite his abilities as an Unspeakable, he felt it was better if Auror Weasley took charge of the upcoming investigation.

Squinting at the laptop, Draco decided to look up Harry’s calendar and see if he was meeting anyone else today.

However, when he managed to open Harry’s email program, after much fumbling about he inadvertently opened his husband’s latest message.

From: liondisgruntled@wizardingmore.com

To: bulgarianseeks@notvantdurmstrangettes.net

Viktor:

I’m glad you made time in your hectic schedule to meet with me. I’ve been having doubts about my pregnancy. Can’t confide in Draco, he’s too busy right now. Besides the prat doesn’t take care of my needs. \0/ \0/ \0/

*winks, winks*

Your fellow Seeker

Harry

PS. Hermione says hi

oOoOo

Draco closed the laptop fiercely, pushing it towards the dish with the toffees. He grumbled, “Winking at Krum, Harry? Just what is it with you and Seekers? Cho, me and now Krum?”

At that moment Ron came out of the Floo, rubbing his shoulders to get rid of the ash.

“Received your Patronus, Malfoy. Hermione couldn’t come.”

“Why? We need her right now. She can come up with the oddest spells when you need them!”

Ron smiled, recalling the last time his wife came up with just the right spell when he was tired. Shaking his head, he approached the table. “She’s busy at the Ministry. Erum Pent, the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures, called her. Apparently there’s a furore, many people have been fined because they are illegal Animagi. Turned out they weren’t.”

Ron frowned as he sat down next to Draco. “Wonder who’s the dummy that caused this.”

Draco put his elbows on the table and leant his head, sobbing. “I don’t have time for this. Harry was kidnapped! See that?” He pointed to the photograph of himself that lay on the floor, cracked.

The blond continued while Ron awkwardly patted his shoulder. Weasley took out his wand and with a flourish he cast a Reparo and fixed the ferret photograph.

Despite being a fellow Animagus, the redhead didn’t know how to console the blond Unspeakable.

Between heartfelt sobs, Draco went on, “Harry met Krum today. He went home and I followed but many muggles were attending the Royal wedding and I had a hard time getting back. They’re all crazy; that princess was wearing my transfigured gate on her head!”

Draco looked up and wiped his tears. “Looked pretty neat though, maybe I should do more of that. Bet McGonagall would be proud!”

“Muggles are strange! Even the princesses!” Ron reached to the dish to grab a toffee, but Draco grabbed his elbow.

“Don’t!”

“Why?”

“Because Harry ate Lady Gaga!”

“Blimey, he’s a cannibal now!” Ron goggled, his blue eyes resembling those of a house-elf. He put his head on the table, moaning, “And I liked her music!”

“Cannibal? What are you on about, Weasley?” Draco pointed to the dish, which unknown to the two men had the twins’ invention. “I meant the toffee.”

“Explain yourself, Malfoy!”

“In the department, Jones came up with the brilliant idea of recording toffees.” Draco picked up the sweet and held it between his thumb and index. “Since Harry says the computer is getting full, I put the music you gave me into one of these.”

“And?” Ron held up his hand before Draco could answer. “Let me guess. Harry had a craving for sweets and ate it.”

Draco nodded. “He kept gurgling ‘Judaaasss’ all during dinner. And the album was to be a surprise for his birthday!”

Remembering his husband’s penchant for getting into trouble, Draco pointed to the toffee. “I recorded his conversation with Krum. Perhaps it will enlighten us.”

Draco took out his wand and cast the spell ‘Priori recordatione.’

Instantly the voices of the patrons at the café came through the tiny sweet.

Ron cocked his head, missing his trusty iPod earphones. “Can’t you make it steer?”

“What?”

The redhead spread his arms. “Come from both sides, you know?”

“No, that’s another spell. Now let’s hear it.”

“… Don’t you have something to ask, Viktor?” Harry’s tinny voice came from the toffee in the middle of the table. Draco noted that he sounded irritated, as usual.

“Wat you mean, Harry?”

“Something about you-know-what?”

“I’m trying!”

Draco and Ron leaned towards the middle of the table when they heard Harry grumble something about thick-headed Seekers.

“Let me read my napkin,” said Viktor.

Draco looked at Ron, raising an eyebrow. He mouthed the words, ‘crazy Krum.’

“Ah, at last! Let me ask you this, Harry,” said Krum in a loud voice, “are your hormones bothering you?”

Draco heard his husband huffing. He could visualize Harry’s tousled hair as he brushed it aside to glare at Krum. It was a gesture Harry often used with him.

“Not my hormones, Viktor! Why do people keep saying that? It’s the horcrux!”

“Ah, Hermione wrote me that,” said Krum.

Harry’s words came in a rush and when Draco realized their import, he trembled.

“Hermione told me she suspects I got pregnant thanks to Voldemort’s horcrux in me! That it didn’t die completely! And I’m worried about the baby. What will Draco do when he finds out?”

With a shaky swish of his wand, Draco turned off the toffee.

Squaring his shoulders, Draco said with conviction, “Harry should’ve told me this! Of course I’ll love the baby, even if she has a bit of Voldemort, she’ll be my Harry’s!”

“That’s right, mate!” Ron clapped Draco’s shoulder. “We mammals know to care for our young!”

Draco balled up his fist and punched the table. “Someone knows this and kidnapped Harry! They want the baby’s magic. After all she is the daughter of Harry and,” he continued in a whisper, “a part of Voldemort!”

“Don’t worry, Malfoy.” Ron said heartily, trying to be to Draco what he often was to Harry, a stout shoulder to rely on. “We’ll get Harry back. Hope Hermione comes back soon, I’m sure she’ll know more about how to get the horcrux out of the baby.”

“My baby will have a horcrux?” Draco cried brokenly, looking forlornly at the table.

The redhead, trying to lift the spirits of the distraught Animagus, pointed to the photograph that lay on the floor. “Malfoy, Hermione has been grumbling that you haven’t sent her your Animagus photo for her files. Don’t you have a camera?”

“Now, with Harry missing, you think about that?”

Ron shrugged. “You know how the Ministry works. Better safe than sorry.”

Grumbling, Draco pointed to the photo that lay against the chiffonier. “Isn’t that enough?”

“It’s too big. Besides, it doesn’t show your body. The Ministry wants documentation of the whole animal.”

“Whatever you say, Weasley. After you take it, I’m going to the Minister himself and demand that he gets Harry back!”

Walking tiredly without his customary swagger, Draco made his way to the chiffonier. When he was near the photograph, he transformed without the usual warmth that accompanied his becoming a ferret now that Harry was missing.

Meanwhile, Ron had grabbed the digital camera that was on the lowermost right drawer. Taking several steps back, he looked at the back of the camera. “Dad taught me that looking through--"

He pushed the zoom button, jumping back when he saw a giant ferret glaring at him from the LCD panel.

“Malfoy, could you stand up? That way we’ll get a full body shot. I’m not sure how the dratted camera works.”

The ferret stood up, holding his body immobile and putting his right paw on the edge of the chiffonier. He turned his head to look at his photo. Well, I must say I’m not surprised that Harry loves me as a ferret. Those round ears look quite handsome on me.

He wriggled his neck. Though I think my neck fur needs trimming. Soon as Harry comes back, I’ll ask him to do it. Bloody whiskers, they look like Harry’s hair! It must be contagious.

“Turn your face… sorry, your muzzle to the right.”

The ferret dooked angrily, “What’s taking you so long, Weasley?”

“It’s the bloody camera!” Ron looked up from the viewfinder, frowning. “Wait, I understood you!”

“It’s not surprising, Weasley. We’re both Mustelidae,” chittered Draco.

“Mustili… what?” Ron took the shot and put the camera on the table. He waved his hand at the ferret. “Never mind. Just think how useful this will be on the field!”

The ferret dooked contentedly, “Besides, it’s something Harry can’t do; I bet he’ll be jealous that we can speak in Musteltongue.”

Draco lowered his upper body. His beady eyes shined with malice as he smirked, his whiskers spreading every which way, not unlike his photograph.

oOoOo

Meanwhile, Harry nibbled contentedly the tip of a gargantuan, juicy Amazonian carrot. It was so big that he had trouble wrapping his paws around it. He was on the chair next to the potions bench where Severus was stirring a brew counter clockwise.

Feeling an itch on his furry forehead, the black bunny rubbed it with his right paw. He noticed the Potions Master staring intently at him.

Harry looked up at the man, blinking bunnishly. By Merlin’s limp celery stalk, why does Snape keep looking at me? And doesn’t he know any spells to make his hair less greasy?

The cutting utensil that Snape was holding on his left hand fell to the floor with a loud thunk. The Potions Master bent down to pick it up, smirking gleefully once he was sure the bunny hadn’t noticed the brief Legilimency moment.

Snape returned to stirring his brew as he spoke to the bunny. “I wonder how you can live with Potter and Draco, Pottsy. It is a known fact that ferrets kill bunnies.”

Harry shuddered, glaring at the man as his whiskers twitched. For your information, Snape, Draco wouldn’t kill me! I think… though when he gets angry…

The Potions Master grabbed a stalk of a strange, spiny plant. Breaking it in pieces, he continued, “I’m sorry I had to leave them. Spending those months in Romania was hard, Pottsy. I was following a theory I read in ‘Vampires, a history’ by Strom Bakker. He posits that vampires are descended from bat Animagi. And I thought--"

The bunny snorted. You thought what, Snape? That you were descended from them?

Snape glared at the bunny, waving the stirrer in the air. “For your information, Pottsy, I wanted to see if they could tell me how to become an Animagi!”

Harry grinded his teeth softly whilst Snape’s smooth voice told a tale of woe. “The vampires didn’t prove… cooperative. They’re rather reclusive fellows. It was wasted time and I fear I wasn’t here in the crucial first months of Potter’s pregnancy.”

Harry’s bunny heart started beating more rapidly. By Merlin! Why are they crucial?

It seemed as if Snape had heard the bunny’s mental monologue, for the Potions Master continued, “The mother, or in this case, Potter - they have to exercise. Muggles recommend yoga or swimming.”

The bunny shook his head dubitatively. I wonder if chasing my ferret around the department was exercise enough.

“Potter should have eaten enough protein and vitamins both for himself and the baby. I tried to mail them the advice by owl post, but the vampires had the nasty habit of interrupting me. Plus garlic is not particularly attractive to owls… indeed.”

Snape finished stirring with a flourish, pointing to the cauldron with his right hand. “Actually, Pottsy, this is a supplement for Potter. It has the magical vitamins he’ll need.”

But Harry was more interested in the carrot. He shook his head so he could see from both eyes, the floppy ear kept him from gauging the exact distance to the giant vegetable. He missed Snape’s words and only when he heard those dreaded words did he pay attention.

“-- Dark Magic. Did you know, Pottsy, that it’s actually difficult for male wizards to get pregnant?”

Harry pricked up his ears and the Potions Master smirked, remarking offhandedly, “Your ears behave like you were Bugs Bunny. That’s where your name comes from, rabbit. Lily loved cartoons, she told me about him.”

Come on, Snape, out with it! You can talk about my mother any old time and I’ll listen, but now what’s with Dark Magic? grunted Harry.

“As I was saying before, Pottsy, in order to get pregnant, the carrier male has to be quite submissive. Judging from what I’ve seen of Draco’s life, Potter is anything but.”

You’ve got it right, Snape!

“I told Draco he shouldn’t use Dark Magic to get Potter pregnant, but I fear he didn’t heed my advice… as usual.” Snape turned his face so the bunny wouldn’t notice his sinister smirk.

WHAT!

Before Severus could continue, a sweet contralto voice came from the Floo. “Severus, are you home? We need you… Draco needs you most desperately.”

Snape went to the fire and knelt down. “What happened, Narcissa?”

Narcissa’s face, exquisite even through the distorting flames, grimaced with anguish as she answered, “Lucius was in the gardens, training to become a tiger Animagus. He was stalking his albino peacocks.”

Snape waved his hand. “Nothing new there, Cissa, he’s been doing it for years. Get to the point!”

“Don’t rush me, Severus! Anyway I received a Floo call from Draco. He’s quite worried because someone kidnapped Harry!”

Severus looked sideways at the bunny. “I doubt someone could do that, Cissa. Potter is a very able, though thick-headed, wizard.”

Narcissa shook her head. “We need you, Severus. We cannot lose the next Malfoy heir, besides Harry is lovable. I so wanted to buy him those exclusive robes from the Milanese couturiers.”

Harry blinked; his pink nose twitched as if he smelt a particular delicious scent, his ears moving around like radar dishes. I love those Italian robes with leather lapels!

“Harry wouldn’t be missing if they lived in the Manor. Its wards can withstand powerful magic.” Narcissa glared, shaking her head angrily. “I’ve told Draco they should move with us. After this he’ll change his opinion.”

Wait! Living with Narcissa and Lucius? No way! Harry squeaked; his nose twitching like crazy.

Severus turned to reassure the bunny. “Don’t worry, Pottsy. I doubt Draco will contradict Potter, he’s a henpecked husband!”

“Severus, I’ll be waiting at their apartment.” Narcissa scrunched up her nose at the bunny. “They need more space, that place is full of nosy neighbours!”

After the call ended, Severus grabbed the fat bunny under his arms. “Pottsy, it seems that our work is never done. Potter and Draco need me, again!”

Indeed!

Severus and the bunny disapparated.