Say it with ferrets prologue: Party time

[herumtreiber]

Title: Prologue: Party time
Author herumtreiber 
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count:  1972
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fluff, humour, MPreg. * Graphic content. Lolcats, srsly *
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the rest belong to JK Rowling, I only play with them.
Summary: In the ferretverse, four months before that fateful St. Valentine's Day, Harry and Draco visit Ron and Hermione to tell them about the pregnancy.
Notes: Written for enchanted_jae 's monthly drabble challenge #64. 'We was told there'd be cake and strippers.'
 I may have taken it a bit too... literal.

Hermione sat on the couch in her apartment, typing on her laptop. She took a sip from the cup of tea that perched atop her latest copy of ‘Hogwarts a History.’ She frowned at the screen as she called up the spreadsheet and the graphics program.

Ron came out of the dining room, holding up a chicken drumstick. “Still working, huh?”

“I’ve finished my own report, Ron. It’s just that the Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures asked for my help.”

Ron sat down beside Hermione. “What do they want now?”

“I mentioned how inefficiently they handled their Animagus registration files. Really, it’s a chore to look up registered Animagi. You know Harry sometimes--“

“Asks for your help?” Ron finished his drumstick and was about to put it on the table but changed his mind when Hermione glared at him. Instead he put it on the decorative ashtray shaped like a merman.

Ron smiled wryly. “I bet we still rely on you too much, Mione.”

Hermione huffed. “I’m glad to help, Ron. It’s just that Harry is an Auror now. He should be able to do these things.” She brushed aside a stray curl that kept getting into her eyes. “Malfoy is worse. He’s always complaining about how much time he spends researching files in his Unspeakable work.”

The witch looked up at Ron, noticing that a white, thin cable was dangling from his left ear. “You took my iPod again! Just be sure you don’t mess with it. Last time you erased my classical collection!”

Ron shrugged. “What can I say? Muggles have interesting music.”

“I find your taste a little disquieting, Ron.” Hermione snorted. “Lady Gaga?”

“Whatever flies my kite.”

“It’s ‘float my boat’ Ron!”

Ron frowned in thought. “Wait, I thought you hated ships?”

Hermione lifted her arms, muttering exasperatedly, “You and Malfoy! Both of you should take muggle lessons.” She reached for her tea and took a sip. “By the way, I need your photograph as an Animagus.”

“But--“

“No exceptions, Ron. I understand you and Malfoy are a bit ashamed of being a weasel and a ferret Animagi, but this job I was telling you about?” Hermione pointed at the laptop. “The Ministry asked every Animagi in Britain for their photos in animal form, and I’m compiling a database, matching the photos with the wizards and witches. It’s very frustrating, believe me.”

Hermione muttered, “I sometimes wish I hadn’t ensured that house-elves learned to write.”

Ron smiled, leaning forward to kiss his wife. “They learned, Mione; though I admit it was a letdown when you tried to teach them to use those things.” Ron pointed to the computer on Hermione’s lap.

“Yes, their magic is too strong. It just destroys the microchips. But they can do some amazing things. With a wave of their hands they even outdo Photoshop. Pity they can’t spell correctly the words.”

Hermione snickered softly. “Remember that time when Malfoy’s father ate one of Fred and George’s latest creations?”

“Which one?”

“Transforming Toffees.”

Ron guffawed, remembering the photo. “It was funny. Harry told me Malfoy was turned into a Siberian tiger. He was alone in the Manor and found Harry’s laptop. Harry was on his honeymoon with Draco.”

“Lucius tried to send an email to Draco, but it was useless.” Hermione smirked, recalling Draco complaining that his father didn’t even know how to use the keyboard. “Narcissa caught the tiger looking intently at the computer. She laughed so much, but she had the presence of mind to take a snapshot. And then…”

Hermione put her hands on the laptop, smiling widely at the memory. “Blicky, one of the house-elves, saw the photo. They still haven’t forgiven Lucius, and with their new freedom they tend to be mischievous. I must say the elf captioned the photo very fittingly.”

“Hey, you got that, right?”

Hermione’s finger glided on the touchpad, opening the browser and navigating to the webpage where she secretly uploaded the image. “I have it here, look.”

The two laughed at the photo and the wicked caption made by Blicky.

oOoOo





oOoOo

“I don’t know how to tell them, Draco.” Harry’s hand was poised above the doorknob to Hermione’s apartment.

Draco wrapped his arms around Harry, resting his chin on his shoulders. “They’ll understand. They did accept me into your life. Granger will probably start researching male pregnancies at once.”

The blond traced softly Harry’s right cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “You can tell Granger while I tell Weasley.”

“Ron will be mad; he won’t understand! Remember when I told him about us getting married?” Harry looked at Draco, anguish clearly written on his face.

“Yeah. He was quite angry, but Weasley is more understanding now. He couldn’t stand me at first.” Draco scowled when Harry snorted. He touched the brunet’s chin. “That changed when he became an Animagus. There is a bond between…”

“I reckon you two got quite chummy since you’re both rodents!” Harry stepped away from Draco, glaring at him. “Since you get to change shape and all.”

Draco tried to mollify Harry. “Don’t begrudge me this, Harry. After all, you’re quite powerful, and when you speak Parseltongue you drive me wild.”

Harry narrowed his eyes, looking shiftily at his husband. “Do you know what I’d find exciting and hot?”

Draco leaned on the wall, unselfconsciously reclining in a sexy pose. “What?”

“If we made love… while you were a ferret. I love you in all your forms, Draco. But in your Animagus form you´re slick, graceful and… furry.”

The blond blushed and avoided Harry’s gaze. “I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t do it now. When I’m in my Animagus form I think… ferrety thoughts.”

Harry lifted his arms, saying angrily, “You won’t do this for me? For the father of your child?”

“Give me time, Harry.”

“See if I speak Parseltongue ever again!” Harry crossed his arms, his nerves all but forgotten while he glared at his husband.

The door opened and a redhead peeked in the corridor, smiling when he saw the two. “I heard someone bickering outside and I thought it must be you two. Come in!”

Harry walked into the living room, his hands tucked in the pockets of his trousers. “Can I talk to you alone, Mione?”

“Sure, Harry.” Hermione got up from the couch and put the laptop on the table. She smiled at Ron. “I’ve still some photos to catalog. Can you finish for me, Ron?”

“Yeah.”

oOoOo

Hermione closed the door to the bedroom and pointed to the chair. “What do you want to talk about, Harry’”

The brunet plopped down, biting his lip nervously. He decided to take the plunge. “I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll just say it.” Harry took a deep breath and his words came in a rush. “I’m pregnant, Mione.”

He expected an outburst from the witch, but Hermione surprised him by remaining very calm. “I see, Harry.”

“You seem to be taking it in stride, Mione.”

“Well, the strangest things happen to you, my friend. You’ve been bitten by a basilisk, you’ve fought a dragon more than once; and you ended up with Malfoy, which was the strangest thing yet. Let’s say nothing about you surprises me.”

Harry shuddered when he saw a gleam in Hermione’s eyes.

“This will provide an excellent opportunity to research male pregnancies. I have to make sure you take care of yourself and the baby.” Hermione rubbed her hands excitedly.

oOoOo

Meanwhile, in the living room, Ron was frowning at the screen. His thumb slid on the touchpad when he picked up the machine and he inadvertently clicked on a link on the browser.

“Malfoy, help me with this! Mione wants me to match up Animagi with their photos and I don’t recognize these blokes,” said Ron motioning to the screen with his right hand.

Draco stood behind the couch, leaning down to study the photo. “Those two are easy. This obviously is Longbottom’s apartment, the Gryffindor walls are a giveaway - and that long gray thing?" Draco pointed to the middle of the photo. "I’m sure it’s a prop for a Herbology experiment.”

“You’re sure?”

Draco nodded. “Yes, I bet the photo was taken after Longbottom’s bachelor party. The cat on the left is Blaise.” The blond shook his head wonderingly. “Didn’t know he was an Animagus. Blaise had the same dumbfounded expression when I told him I was marrying Harry.”

Draco leaned further, his finger touching the party hat perched atop the cat. “Or maybe it is Greg. Goyle has the same stunned look when he visits us. I do think Greg captioned the photo.” The blond said slowly, “We was told there’d be cake and strippers.”

Ron narrowed his eyes, studying the photo. “No. I think it was taken at Neville’s all right, but--“

He looked up at Draco, the laptop perched precariously on his lap. “Remember when the Gryffindors were angry because there were no strippers?”

Draco nodded slowly. “Lovegood didn’t want any at her fiancé’s bachelor party. Said there were some magical animals around that fed on their ‘stripping energy.’”

Ron glared at the screen. “And there was no cake! Neville had some strange plants that ate all the cake before we could!”

Draco scoffed. “I recall your stomach growling, Weasley, but that happens constantly. Your point?”

Ron stabbed his finger at the image of the cat. “That’s obviously Dean. He gets that same glazed expression when he watches soccer matches on the telly. And the dog?” Ron snickered, remembering the Irishman’s antics. “That’s Seamus. He got plastered at the party. Notice the skewed party hat. I bet he captioned the photo.”

Draco crossed his arms, scowling at the laptop. “I still think they’re Blaise and Goyle. Greg was so drunk I had to Side-Apparate him to our apartment; he spent the night there. The nosy muggle neighbor even asked me later if we were having a threesome and if we would invite him. The prat!”

Ron typed in Hermione’s spreadsheet. “I’m putting them down as Zabini and Goyle, and Dean and Seamus. The Ministry can find which is which by themselves.”

oOoOo

oOoOo

The redhead noticed something strange on the webpage.

“What do you think this word means?” Ron touched the screen with his thumb, leaving a greasy fingerprint from the chicken drumstick.

Draco meditated for a second and replied, “I think the website is a new project of Granger’s. Remember SPEW?”

Ron nodded. “Yeah, I certainly do.”

“This one has to do with Animagi.” Draco pointed at the letters, drawling, “LOLCATS. Blah, blah, something…  Animagus Transformation Systems.”

Noting that Ron appeared to be in a good mood, Draco seized the moment. “By the way, Weasley. I’ve some news to tell you.”

Ron looked up at him, raising an eyebrow inquiringly. “What?”

“Harry’s pregnant.” Draco touched his wand in the pocket of his robes, ready to defend himself if the situation turned ugly.

Ron shrugged, saying after a moment, “Congratulations! You’d better treat him well… On second thought, I pity you.”

“Why?”

“Harry can be quite moody. I remember him during Fourth Year. Do you recall when he stalked you all through Sixth Year?”

Draco nodded, the dawning realization of what this could mean for him made him uneasy. “Yes.”

“Harry tends to be a bit obsessive. I hope your Unspeakable work has taught you to handle stress well, Malfoy.”

At that moment the bedroom door opened and Harry came out. Hermione’s arm was around his shoulder and she was beaming at him.

“Did Malfoy tell you? Ron, I’m going to be an aunt!” said Hermione excitedly.

Ron smiled at Harry. “Yes, this is great news! Mate, congratulations! I hope you treat Malfoy well.”

Harry glared at Ron, growling. “You don’t think I will?”

Draco shuddered.


Say it with ferrets