herumtreiber

Title: The Privy Councilors 20/33
Chapter: Prank wars 1
Author:

herumtreiber
Genre: AU to HBP, romance, adventure
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or related characters. Nor do I make any money from the writing of these stories.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Epilogue compliant? No way!
Chapter length: ~4,722 words
Summary: Draco/Harry, Luna/Neville, Ron/Hermione, Narcissa/??? Harry is about to be sent to Azkaban. The story explores Wizengamot politics and the fight against evil Dumbledore - where he gets vanquished early and does not prattle on and on - but is he gone? Plus de-aging. Someone returns whose name begins with a S. (And my revenge on characters whose accents are hard to read – like Hagrid and Fleur ;-)

Table of contents

19. Invisible touch

Memory. All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days,
I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was,
Let the memory live again.
(Memory; Lloyd Webber, Trevor Nunn, based on poems by TS Eliot)

Unsurprisingly, it was Hermione who came up with the suggestion that the estranged Weasleys consult Psychotherapists. Percy was assigned two weekly sessions, and Ginny was treated continuously.

Later Mr. Higgins, the therapist, would tell Ron that it was providential they were able to reach his sister. She was entering such a depression that she might have been able to hurt or kill herself. Thankfully she was reacting to the treatment and slowly came to the realization that it was not the end after all. She had been wrong, but life went on, now she had to draw the conclusions and go on living.

Charlie visited them on the weekends. He was visibly enlightened when he discovered that the two parts of his family were speaking to each other. He was aghast at Ginny's poor state and Percy's mood. He was the steadiest of them all, but he had felt duty bound to follow his mother.

Ron could understand that. However the Twins did not, and as a result they played a prank on Charlie, they gave him candy and told him it was a new product of the Every Flavor Bean Company. Charlie fell into the trap, ate the sweet and was instantly transformed into a Komodo Dragon, a big reptile that uncharitable souls would say resembled a giant stuffed iguana.

The Dragon glared heatedly at the Twins, and he moved to strike them. However, he was stopped by a Stupefy cast by Ron. He didn't want members of his family killing each other, damn!
All Weasleys present laughed heartily and forgot for a moment their problems. All except Ron. He was ruing the day he unleashed the Twins' pranking genius. He needed some protection from the prank war about to start. Who would help him?

The answer came when he recalled the Muggle book Hermione had mentioned. There were three companions, when in reality there were four Musketeers. They fought for each other and cared for all - just like him and Hermione, Harry,… and Draco. So he would suggest they become the three Musketeers like the book. Then Ron would have his own Anti-Twins Brigade!

Bill sat morosely on the couch observing the antics of the Twins and the Dragon Charlie. His mind was uneasy. Fleur had wanted to come, but he had forbidden it. He was rapidly becoming fed up with Fleur's manipulations, like demanding a new wardrobe to be paid by Ron's vault. Thankfully the goblins denied her request, citing that it was one of the strictures put by a donor.

This incident led him to recall his romance with Fleur, how everything seemed all right when it was provided by her. Bill knew she was a Veela, but there was something strange in the hold she'd had in his life until a few weeks ago.

Bill recalled how fed up he had felt with life as a Gringotts employee. He wanted to travel far away and do new things. He kept these feelings to himself, though. One afternoon, he had been invited to tea in Hogwarts with the headmaster. Dumbledore was genial as he poured the tea and offered him a position in the Order, where he'd get to travel a lot.

In that precise moment, Albus received a visitor, a young and striking blonde that introduced herself as Fleur Delacour. Bill continued drinking. In his recollection, he was quick to note that neither Fleur nor Albus took tea.

It was a logical conclusion that the tea was spiked with some love potion. This provided the opportunity for Fleur to infiltrate his life, get him enmeshed in the affairs of the Order and a good Dumbledore tool. Then everything they said about Albus was right! He was out to get you in a more evil way than Voldemort. It seemed clear now that he had used Legilimency on Bill and had found out his need for adventure. He had used that to bind him to his service.

Molly beamed at her children. All of her children! Even if one was a Dragon at the moment. Molly had been so sure of her path, even if it led to darkness and death.

It was only the sublime gesture of her youngest son, when he sacrificed the money he had earned through his life to help them, that made her realize what she was blithely throwing away. She meditated long and hard in the choices she had made, seemingly under the impressive tutelage of Albus, and realized the bitter truth. The wizard was just using her and Arthur, to provide him with a cloak of respectability with which to operate.

When Hermione showed up and expressed her fears, after securing Molly's agreement the four of them – Ron, Hermione, Harry and Draco – selected therapists. When they learned the results and what could happen to Ginny, she felt herself die a little. Still the boys and girl were there. They comforted her. Even the raven-haired Gryffindor she had betrayed.

It had been a rocky road, but they had made it so far. She had invited Arthur over several times and they had engaged in fruitful discussions, rediscovering the roots of their profound attraction and love.

oOoOo

In Hogwarts, Luna made it to Neville's hiding place just a little behind the Whomping Willow. It was a great spot because people didn't want to get killed by a crazed tree and generally avoided the area. Of course Luna had Seen the points where Neville suddenly appeared, and she deduced the existence of a hideout.

Neville kissed Luna and said, "What brings you here? Do you need anything?"

She replied dreamily, "I need you!" Then she kissed vigorously Nev with unmatched passion and need. In her mind, she was trying to record this moment forever, in case it proved to be the last time she kissed Neville.

Eventually the kiss stopped and Luna went to sit in a corner, at approximately 10 feet from Neville. He asked somewhat alarmed, "What is wrong, Luna?"

She answered seriously, "There are some things you must know. I acted wrongly, and I am very sorry. You deserve to know."

Neville looked interested and very worried. Luna started explaining how she'd felt – wrongly – that Malfoy was the enemy, how she had wanted Neville to support her and asked this of him. When he refused, she Obliviated him. She did this one more time before Neville finally agreed to side with her.

Luna anticipated Neville to walk away and say he never wanted to see her. She even expected him to hex or slap her. Or maybe he would act very depressed and wounded, which would hurt Luna the most.

Neville did what she never expected: he laughed heartily. He said imperiously, "I know what happened, Luna. When my parents were hurt the Death Eaters also tried to hurt me. Apparently they did not succeed, but as a result I sometimes forget things. Perhaps to compensate for this, obliviates don't work against me."

Luna inwardly raged against the Fates. It didn't matter that she was a Seer when what she observed was never enough. She remembered Draco's words about Seeing and trying to learn what is beneath.

Nev continued, "I knew that you desperately wanted me to side with you against Draco. I thought that once it was out of your system, things would go back to normal and it turned out to be a false hope. You Obliviated me again when I reacted negatively to your proposal. The third time the discussion occurred, I knew we had a great problem. I agreed with you and you were happy for a while."

Luna asked, "Why did you agree with me, why did you keep being with me when I was so spiteful?"

Neville replied, "I did it because I love you and wanted you to be happy. You were being mean, self-centered, manipulative, all the traits that according to you Draco has. Still I loved you and hoped that you would recognize the error of your ways."

"When I realized that the three people who broke up into the Ravenclaw Common Room and got rid of the students were after you, I thought about nothing but protecting you. When they proposed a truce I foolishly accepted, broke cover and someone hit me with a very Dark curse. I had no regrets in dying. I only despaired because you would be left in their power."

Luna mumbled, "I'm glad you were there, Neville."

"Fortunately Draco saved you and my heart beats again. I could not live in a world without you."

Nev and Luna engaged in a very torrid kiss, sweetened by the unspoken promise of more to come, perhaps a life full of them.

oOoOo

In the teachers' Lounge, a worried Sirius was talking with a carefree Remus. The Animagus glared at the confident Werewolf. How could he be so poised when they were facing this peril?

Sirius said, "Need I remind you, Remus, that these guys were about to take the Wizengamot on their own! They might have succeeded, too! I heard them talking about pranking us, me specifically, and this is a serious matter."

Remus replied nonchalantly, "Whatever, you have powerful allies here. Although I still think the idea of Narcissa being Pomfrey's assistant is a little farfetched. I can imagine Narcissa taunting her patients, perhaps even hexing them, more than helping them!"

Sirius answered indignantly, "You're wrong, Remus. Cissa has taken good care of at least one boy, Draco. Sure, she will be sarcastic, but she will also be helpful. Just wait and see! By the way, do you have some suggestion as to which creature I bring here so they can study it?"

Remus said, "What about some Lethifolds? They grow around the tropics, but I read that about 10 of them were seen in a shop in Knockturn Alley. This will give me the opportunity to teach them the Patronus charm. They need to master it before they face the Lethifolds, Sirius! It's the only protection against the cloak-like beings, or would you rather see your students smothered and eaten?"

Remus saw Sirius' calculating look and smacked him in the arm. "Now go and be a good teacher, Sirius!"

oOoOo

Draco was touching his latest treasure, thanks to the help of the ever-helpful Pansy. She had transformed into an eagle and taken a potion that further transformed her into an owl. She was then able to pretend to be the Twins' owl. The unsuspecting duo sent a strange device attached to her leg.

Pansy promptly returned, transformed back into an eagle and then into herself. Draco was the proud possessor of Extendable Ears Extended. In this version, you could hear anything from as far away as 300 feet, even around corners. You had to say "Activate charm!" so the spells acted.

After Pansy left grumbling, Draco activated the Ears and received a nasty surprise.

He could hear what had to be Harry and Hermione speaking. Harry said, "When does Ron come back?"

"He didn't say. I think it'll be in two hours."

"Damn! That doesn't leave enough time to go to the record store!"

"The record store, good idea, Harry! I can't help but imagine what our two Purebloods would say about CDs. Maybe they would call them sillies."

Harry said, "But don't you think it is a little cruel to poke fun at them?"

"Come on, Harry! You're the one who has to hold back laughter when Draco talks about his cellophane!"

"It's just so funny. These two are so knowledgeable about the Wizarding World, but when they talk about the Muggles, they just spew nonsense."

Hermione said, "I just love hearing them talking about their phones. I think I could suffocate from the laughter."

The treacherous Muggleborn and Half-blood reached the door and entered. It was only by supreme will that Draco was able to maintain his Malfoy mask - that and the promise of sweet revenge to come. Eventually they talked of inconsequential things, and Draco felt constrained. He didn't know if they were inwardly laughing at him, and that hurt and angered him.

Three hours later they were joined by Ron. After asking how was the reunion with the family, and hearing his response, Draco almost dragged him away, citing urgent "Cannon business." That was their codeword when they wanted to blow off some steam, so Ron prepared to go to the Room of Requirement. He was stopped by Draco, who led him to the quarters occupied by his mother.

If a person was the best friend of the current headmaster, and the best-friend or whatever of the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, they got a lot of leverage. Add to that that it was Narcissa and no one wanted to provoke her, mindful of possible treacherous cutlery.

Narcissa's quarters were sumptuous. Rumor had it that they were better than Snape's.

Draco murmured the password and the painting of a Renaissance courtier opened. Draco and Ron entered and found Narcissa and Sirius in a lively discussion about music.

She commented wistfully, "I went to see the first show of Cats, you know. I didn't like the stage, but I loved the story and the songs. I think you would love it Sirius, care to go with me when there's a chance?"

Sirius gulped and replied nervously, "Sure, Cissa. I'd love that. I would've seen it on its first run but I was otherwise occupied."

She noticed Sirius' discomfiture and continued, "Of course, if I had been charged with the production, I would have hired a cast of Animagi! Imagine that, cats turning into people and singing, and when they stopped they change into cats again!"

Sirius replied fondly, "That would pose a problem for the audience, Cissa. The Muggle audience who simply can't conceive of an Animagus."

Draco interrupted them. "Can I have your Pensieve, mother? There's a memory I want to show Ron."

Narcissa accio'd the Pensieve. Draco put his wand against his temple, thought about the treacherous pair, and guided the memory to the Pensieve.

Soon, Ron and Draco touched the Pensieve and entered the memory. Draco noted that his mother and Sirius had gone in too.

When they left the memory they were all mad, but Ron positively looked like he would like to hurt them. However, being a good chess player, he knew just when to use the right amount of pressure. He was in the company of a daredevil Gryffindor and two plotting Slytherins. Harry and Hermione would rue the day they defied the Purebloods!

oOoOo

The next day Ron and Draco were fighting with swords and talking about the laughing duo. Draco commented, "It isn't fair! We didn't grow up with all those strange machines, how can we know them as well as they want." He added ominously, "I bet they don't know them very well, they just know the name and what it does. They don't know how it works."

Ron lunged, Draco parried. Ron asked breathlessly, "What do you mean?"

"Take the phone for example. They don't know completely how it works. Harry just knows it's a phone and used for talking. Hermione has learned the history of phones and some physical facts, but they are not acquainted with their inner workings. I bet we could fool them if we want to."

Ron thrust his sword and would have cut Draco's shoulder if he hadn't pulled back at the last second. He chastised the blond, "Better take care of your speed, ferret! Anyway I think you're on to something. Are you going to involve Grim and Lioness?"

"Yes I will, I want them to give us some good ideas too, oh ye mighty weasel!"

Slowly, the idea for the revenge grew to the point where Sirius salivated just thinking about it. In a way, it would hurt his godson, but it would be so funny!

He had managed to enter Harry's room, where he proceeded to roughhouse with him in the guise of Padfoot, adroitly managing to snag his cell phone. Once the phone was with Draco, he opened it and worked on the circuitry. He located a special thin green plate and muttered, "Transformare corporis!" The plate glowed for a second and then went back to normal.

Draco put the phone together again. Sirius had to admit that the blond had a strange affinity with mechanical things. Draco tested the phone and found that it worked OK. He gave it to Sirius to return.

After he had performed the same spell on Ron's and his phone, he called on the house-elf Kreacher to bring him the phone of a certain Ms. Granger. The elf complied haughtily, and duly took the phone back after it had been tampered with.

After saving Luna, Draco had shared the memories of the interrogation of Nott with his friends and advisors, including a head-butting Grim and his mother.

Draco had explained to the authorities that he had come to give Luna her portfolio, when he found the people in the Common Room had been subdued. He found Neville Longbottom, badly cursed, in front of Luna's room. The door opened and three men walked out, holding Luna between them. Draco managed to distract and direct the men so that their Avada kedavras fell on each other. They died.

Nott wanted to give some potion to Luna, but she managed to thwart him and make him take the potion. Nott babbled some nonsense that he was a Death Eater, and died.
Andrew Kirke's family tried to deny that he had been a Death Eater, but they were led to the room where the bodies were kept, and they were shown the ugly mark on Andrew's body.

oOoOo

Draco had learned from bitter necessity the correct and most economical way of telling a lie: tell the truth as much as you can, and just twist the essential points.

The next day, Draco invited all of them to have lunch with him. He managed not to smirk at the soon to be hapless duo. However, Ron failed to hide his gloating eyes. When they asked him why he looked so positively glowing, Ron answered that he was imagining Voldemort's demise.

When Harry and Hermione were about to enter, the door seemingly was stuck for a while. They listened intently as Draco and Ron appeared to be arguing about a phone!

Ron said, "My device has more bandwidth than yours, Draco!"

Draco replied cuttingly, "Oh ye trusting weasel! The bandwidth has no bearing whatsoever in the quality of reception. Pray tell if you know what bandwidth is!"

Ron answered angrily, "It's how long is the swath that the waves take to reach here."

Harry and Hermione were barely holding their laughter, but they knew that if they laughed they would miss on much more funny tidbits. They turned out to be wrong.

Draco replied icily, "Shows you how little you know, Ron. Bandwidth indicates the number of phone-elves who are available to send your message."

Harry and Hermione stood there completely flabbergasted. Draco had always seemed to be the most observant fellow, if a little sarcastic, but it seemed like he had gone around the bend.

Ron heard and did not seem to agree. He said, "I don't believe you, Draco."

"Take your phone and prepare to send a message to your mother, only at the end press the keys 123 repeatedly."

Harry and Hermione heard Ron dialing Molly's number and dialing 123 several times. A slightly musical voice answered, polished and cultured. "How may we serve you, sirs?"

Ron appeared to be completely flabbergasted as he said, "Who are you?"

"I'm Nys, a phone-elf, at your service. If it pleases you, I will deliver your message."

There was a sound of elf apparition and soon Ron was talking to his mother.

Hermione couldn't take the suspense any longer. She barreled into the room, dragging Harry along. She faced the Purebloods, arms akimbo. She shouted, "What is the meaning of this? Phone-elves? What are you trying to pull, Malfoy?"

Draco stood up and approached the enraged witch. If Hermione thought she could get away with slapping him again, she was deadly wrong, because he would react.

"I'm just explaining to Weasley how the phones work. Carrying messages is a complex affair. You wouldn't think that some simple electromagnetic waves could be able to do that, right? It requires finesse and knowledge that can only be acquired through a long service, hence the phone-elves. They are more sophisticated than their cousins, and their work is more delicate."

Hermione replied defiantly, "Prove it, and call someone on your phone!"

Draco took out his phone, dialed the number of Professor Snape, and then pressed 123. A phone-elf dressed immaculately in a black uniform appeared and said "Phone-elf Eldra at your service, lady and gentlemen." Draco bade her to call Snape and he talked a little with the sarcastic headmaster.

Draco expected what happened next. Harry looked in his bag and took out his cell phone. He dialed Sirius' number and then pressed the numbers. A phone-elf duly appeared and said, "Phone-elf Drusys at your service lady and gentlemen." Harry looked defeated as he talked with Sirius.

If Draco had gotten good at something, it was at predicting Harry Potter's moves. That's why he didn't believe for a second he had murdered anyone, why he insisted in following him. It made their making out sessions so much more fulfilling and satisfying. It also caused a deep hurt when he found out that Harry had been laughing at him.

When they were free of distractions again, Draco continued, "Phone-elves are the ones that carry communication around the world. They are invisible to the Muggles, so they can continue writing theory after theory of how everything works."

Hermione mumbled, "Are there electricity-elves too?"

Draco shrugged. "I don't know, there might be or not. Those elves are generally secretive. I only found out because an elf here had a second cousin that was a phone-elf, and he was always blabbering about him."
With that, and after having eaten lackadaisically, they left and went to their rooms. Draco proposed to let them stew for a few days and then spring the surprise.

oOoOo

The next day was a Friday and the Grim, Lioness and Blond lion were feeling unease. The Werewolf tried to cheer them up at dinner but failed miserably. Hermione and Harry were in a world of their own and did not pay the attention they should. Ron was also immersed in planning their revenge.

Luna Saw, of course. She saw the signs of a major prank, but she wanted to remain a noncombatant, at least in this war, so she said nothing.

The first one to be removed was Remus. Apparently, even with all his vaunted prowess, he was still susceptible to his foibles, like chocolate. He just saw the chocolate mousse nearby and had to have it, notwithstanding all his training. The strong chocolate taste masked the flavor of a potion that would render him asleep for 24 hours.

The next one to fall was an unsuspecting Narcissa. She had been eating with not much enthusiasm when she caught sight of a chocolate pie, one of her favorites. She unobtrusively used her Elder wand to bring the pie to her and ate it. A minute later she was falling deeply asleep.

Sirius found that suddenly his lieutenants and friends were out of action due to their irrepressible appetite for sweets! He grumbled and made to stand up when Peeves suddenly appeared and held a bucket over Sirius, emptying its contents on him. People screamed and ran as Sirius started to shrink.

Draco approached, tremulously held his hands and searched among the now baggy clothes of Sirius and found a small body. He waved his wand and murmured a shrinking charm for clothes. They reduced in size until they fit the small body.

Draco saw a small boy with unruly black hair, the grey eyes of a Black, and the unmistakable features that would turn into the adult Marauder. He asked "Sirius?"

The boy answered at first tentatively, then with more strength, "Yes, Dwaco. It me. Have to get them back!"

Draco sighed, the boy was as tenacious as Sirius, which wasn't surprising, seeing it was Sirius. There was no doubt in his mind, this meant war!

Draco opened his arms and the young Sirius jumped at him. Draco took Sirius with him to the Gryffindor table, and put the boy securely between him and Harry. He stated sarcastically, "They have de-aged Sirius! I say we give them hell! Let the prank war commence!"

Harry at first goggled at Sirius, until the young boy said, "Hawwwy!" Then Harry practically jumped and hugged his five-year old godfather. He added his voice to the cacophony, sounding extremely menacing, "They will pay for what they have done to Sirius!"

The onlookers didn't seem to be hungry anymore. They were thinking if they would become victims of these runaway pranks. One of these observers was Ron, who decided to proceed with his plans. He started, "We are all friends, right?"

The other three nodded, and Draco looked suspiciously at Ron. He hoped he didn't tell the hapless duo about the revenge, because he had been having fun with it.

Ron continued, "But they will soon prank us, both sides of this prank war. How will we defend ourselves? Hermione is smart, Harry is brave, Draco is cunning and I think strategically. Hear me then, strategy dictates that we band together. I want us to be like the Musketeers that Hermione reads about, I want us to promise to be 'All for one, and one for all.'"

And because Ron came from a Pureblood family with very old roots in the world and magic, he was privy to some information he wouldn't have otherwise. He continued, "We'll close the oath with the words: 'So mote it be!"

Harry and Hermione nodded vigorously. Draco still felt hurt by their laughter, but realized he had been laughing at them, too. They were still the best friends that he could have, and he would swear that gladly. He nodded elegantly.

Ron sighed and said, "OK, we have to promise."

He was interrupted by the small voice of Sirius. "You have t'be holding hands."

Draco asked, "What do you mean, Sirius?"

"My mom, when she's not mad, she teaches me about Pu'blood stuff and oaths. A 'fense Oath must be done holding hands!"

They duly held hands, no one wanted to exclude Sirius so they held his hands, too. Draco started, "All for one and one for all, so mote it be!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione followed. Soon came Sirius' turn. He enunciated as clearly as he could, "All for one and one for all. So mo' it be!"

They did not observe any untoward effect, but Luna, who was Seeing them keenly, Saw a different thing. She observed numerous chains made of energy and magic hanging around them, joining them subtly, perhaps more than they already were. It was an uplifting spectacle, because it showed the strength of friendship.

21. Prank wars gone awry