Ghost Road - 2

[herumtreiber]

Title: Ghost Road
Chapter: The ghostly kiss
Author: herumtreiber 
Rating: R
Warnings: Angst, character death (not Jake or Edward)
Characters: Jacob/Edward, Rosalie, Carlisle
Chapter length: ~3,328
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me. This is for fun, not profit. 
Summary: AU of Breaking Dawn. Jacob runs after he receives the wedding invitation and doesn't return. That makes all the difference.


Table of contents





Chapter one: The beach of broken dreams

I waited for his bite. Hoped Edward wouldn't do it but a part of me, which was still stunned by the news of her death, that part didn't care. It welcomed peacefulness and oblivion. My wolf fought viciously against the move. He wanted to live; he felt there was a purpose for him and me. I held him at bay for a while, though, fixing my eyes on the shelves full of CD cases gleaming in the twilight.

Edward pushed me away.  His voice sounded tired and weary. "I can't do it. I never hated you, Jacob."

I looked up at him, noting the way he frowned, and his lips pursed into a thin line. His dark eyes were dull and bereft of hope.  His expression reminded me of an old black and white photo Dad showed me. It was frayed and bent and showed several Ojibwe warriors. Dad said it had been taken during a famine. The men wore their headdresses with pride but their faces were gaunt, and their eyes told me they had lost hope. In the Rez, conditions hadn't been that great but we did not hunger because of the sea and the food it provided, Dad told me.

 Edward wore the same look as the hopeless warriors. I knew he hungered for the end of his pain.

My heart beat faster with worry. Had to yank him out of this apathy, depression or whatever. Didn't know how to do it though.

"Talk to me." I looked at him, cursing the pleading tone of my voice but I couldn't hide from him, now or ever. I growled, "Tell me what happened."

If he spoke about the tragedy, we might find a beginning.

Cullen didn't even try to smirk, he just shrugged with resignation. "I have talked to my family, Jacob. It didn't lessen the pain."

I shouted angrily, "Your family didn't know Bella like I did!"

Lowering my voice, I pointed to him and then to my heaving chest. "They didn't love her like you and I. Didn't cherish her that way."

I loathed the broken sound of my voice. Hated that I was so weak in front of him. 

I stood up and leaned forward. I didn't give a damn if f I invaded his personal space or whatever. I reached my hand but shrank from touching his handsome face. Couldn't predict how he would react.

Cullen sighed and wrapped his arms around himself. "I begged God to take me with her, but of course He wouldn't listen. I'm damned for eternity and I destroy everything I touch."

Hearing this, I ruffled my hair in despair. I grabbed his head, bending down until our eyes met. "You've touched me and I'm not dead. You're fucking wrong, Cullen!"

"You'd better go, Jacob. I don't want to harm you, Bella wouldn't want you hurt."

I balled my fist and hit his shoulder, yelling, "Damn you, leech! Don't you think I have the right to know how she died? I've earned it!"

There was a glint in his dark eyes, a very malicious spark.

I stepped back and shrugged. That was way better than the apathy and I was sure I could take whatever he dished out.

He sneered, "Mutt, you're wrong and I'll prove it to you."

I barely refrained from rolling my eyes.

He said almost conversationally, "I could hear her bones breaking, did you know that?"

Taking a deep breath, I staggered back. My legs suddenly were so weak, they wouldn't hold me up. I plopped down on the floor next to his couch.  Wanted so much to cover my ears, to block out his voice, to forget what had happened. I couldn't do it though. I was spellbound by curiosity and the despair veiled in his honeyed voice.  

"The baby broke her ribs when it moved." Edward whispered so softly, I wouldn't have heard him but for my acute hearing.

"Bella couldn't hold down her food. I despaired at her growing weakness but she wouldn't listen to me! She wanted that baby so much; she didn't care about the risks."

I nodded dumbly. What else could I do but listen and imagine the despair in their faces?

"When Carlisle told me her heart had stopped beating..." Edward punched the couch, breaking the cushion and the wood. I was startled by his fast movement but kept my quiet. He needed to vent, to get this out of his system.

I didn't realize I was yanking my hair so hard until the pain hit me. I lowered my hands and wrapped my arms around my middle, rocking back and forth. Didn't realize I was crying until I looked up at Edward and saw his pale cheeks as if through a prism.

"I bit her in her wrists, in her thighs and neck. It didn't work because the dead baby somehow interfered with my venom. Bella wouldn't change." His face was scrunched up and I didn't need his powers to touch his grief.

"I waited for her. I hoped Bella would change but she didn't! The whole night I stood there and looked at her, just like I did when I watched her sleep. I prayed… how I prayed that she would wake up! But Bella just laid there, her body so thin and wasted, so…"

He shut up. Waited for him to continue but the silence went on. When I looked up at him, his eyes were as black as obsidian. His handsome features were twisted in a grimace of despair. I stood up shakily and approached him but Cullen didn't move. It was obvious he was sunk in his mind, reliving the nightmare.

I felt nauseous, imagining Bella, my best friend and lost love. Pretty and vivacious, now unmoving and thin; and Edward just standing there in his lonely, tormented watch.

Tore me to shreds, the anguish that filled my heart for both of them. But I had lost Bella long before she married, when she chose Edward over me for the last time. The long trek up north had helped me clear my head and come to terms with it. My wolf also lent me strength.

But Edward Cullen? He was stuck in the same place where she died, reliving the horror day by day. If I pitied the dead, my heart cried out for the living, and the leech was alive, however much he liked to pout and say he wasn't.

I jostled his shoulder but he didn't move. I leaned towards him and shouted in his face, "Talk to me, please!"

There was no reaction.

I pulled my hair in anguish. I had to make him react! It was almost like Bella when Edward just up and left her. There was a big difference though; Bella clung like mad to her hope that Cullen would return, something that pissed me off no end. But Edward was aware there was no hope his wife would ever come back.

I recalled the times I tried to cheer Bella up by talking to her, telling her what I was doing with the bikes and cracking up jokes. She was my best friend before I fell in love with her. That wouldn't work with Edward. We were rivals for Bella's affection and bitter enemies, bound by anger.

Anger? That emotion worked for me. When I felt trapped and sad, anger was a way to let off steam. Didn't want to use it though, but it was in the wolf's blood as Sam had learned to his dismay.

I shrugged and narrowed my eyes, knowing exactly how to make Edward roar with anger.  

I shook his shoulders, growling, "Bella isn't worth it! Do you really think she cared for you?"

Knowing Edward could read my mind, I relived my bitter thoughts late at night in my room, crying myself to sleep on my wet pillow. Used the resentment I'd felt then, which I hoped would help me one last time.

"Don't, mutt, just don't!" Edward snarled at me, his mouth twisted in a grimace of hate.

It was good; at least I was getting to him!

"She should've chosen me!" I poked his chest, sneering at him. "Bella loved you only because she wanted eternal youth!"

I spit out my next words, "You were nothing but her meal ticket!"

There was a blurry movement and his hand pushed me violently away. My body just flew and I crashed against the shelves filled with the CDs. They rained down upon the floor but I hardly paid it any mind.

My ears buzzed like I had angry bees stuck inside my head and my vision was blurry. I slid down the wall into a heap on the floor. Tried to breathe through the waves of pain and dimly heard the door banging open and someone snarling.  

While I wheezed painfully, someone tenderly lifted me up. My legs and head swung free as they took me out of the room, towards the brightly lit corridor. The glare made me dizzier and I closed my eyes.

I felt vulnerable and weak, yet I enjoyed the way Edward carefully cradled me in his arms. Then I breathed in and smelled a flowery perfume, overlaid with the sickly sweet scent of the Cold Ones.

It wasn't Edward after all and I sighed in disappointment. The perfume reminded me of my mother and the nights I fell asleep on the couch watching TV, when she would carry me to my room in just the same way.

I must have passed out, for when I woke up I was laying on a soft bed. A woman's sweet voice said, "Are you ok, mutt?"

My vision swam until a curtain of gold fell across my face. Frowning, I recognized the beautiful, cold blonde who was staring down at me.

"'m fine," I said gruffly.

"Wait a sec, I'm going to get Carlisle."

She glided to the door but I managed to croak a few words, "Why? Thought you hated me."

She hunched her shoulders and said softly, "I don't hate you, mutt, never have. I just dislike you. You ask why I helped you?" She laughed bitterly. "Because I don't want another death on my conscience!"

She went out the door, mumbling, "Bella's was enough."

"Wait!" But it was in vain. She was already gone.

I shook my head, wincing at the headache the movement caused. Did all the Cullens blame themselves for Bella's death? They were so different from what I had thought. They weren't the cold, sneering monsters I had imagined. Had to admit that all my attention had been fixed on Edward. Hardly paid any mind to his siblings, unless I wanted to taunt them.

I wanted to talk to the blonde. She could tell me things about how Bella had spent her married life. Hopefully she wouldn't be as intense as Edward. If she was anything like him, she probably kept all her feelings bottled up. It would do her good to talk about Bella's death, if she felt she was responsible.

And perhaps she could help me cope with it.

I gazed at the ceiling and hoped that wherever she was, Bella would forgive my words. I knew that despite her faults, she had truly loved the leech.  I'd felt that goading him was the only way to help the widower.

I shrank back from the thought. Edward was a lonely widower. Reality hit me again and I looked out the wide, beautiful windows at the dying sun, feeling that nothing would be enough to warm my heart again.  

oOoOo

The Doc held his cold stethoscope to my chest and smiled reassuringly at me. "Your shoulder and back are bruised, Jacob. You have no broken bones. You sustained a concussion but with your powers, you will heal soon enough." 

His light touch on my bandaged torso made me wince. The Doc frowned at that and opened his medical bag, taking out a bottle of pills. I guessed they were for the pain.

He handed me a red one and held my head while I gulped it down, sipping water from the glass. He put it back on the night table and crossed his arms. "I appreciate very much what you're doing for my son, Jacob. You're welcome to stay in this house as long as you like. We are all in your debt, especially considering your adversarial relationship with Edward."

"No trouble," I muttered.

"But I don't want to see you hurt. You don't owe us anything." He essayed a weak smile. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that… at any time you must consider yourself free to walk away. It's not your problem at all. You've already achieved what none of us could. You got Edward to react."

I scrunched up my eyebrows. "Doc, did Bella…?"

He seemed to know what I wanted to ask because he interrupted me, shaking his head. "No, she didn't suffer at all, Jacob. I kept her sedated and she passed away without pain."

He opened his bag and put the bottle inside.

The medicine reminded me of Billy. I'd been so shocked by the news I came directly to the Cullens and hadn't even bothered to call my Dad.  Escaped my mind until that moment.

"Doc, can you call Dad and tell him I'm here?"

Doctor Cullen put the stethoscope on his bag and smiled reassuringly at me. "I already took care of that, Jacob. I phoned your father and told him everything."

"Is he well?" I berated myself; in all the rush of the trek and what happened afterwards, I hardly thought of him!

He puzzled his eyebrows in thought. "He's been spending a lot of time with Chief Swan and Sue Clearwater. Actually, I think your Dad's company helps the Chief, gives him a routine in the midst of his grief. Billy told me to tell you he was fine."

He patted my arm and stood up, walking in the elegant way of the Cold Ones towards the door. I asked him before he could walk out, "Why does Blondie blame herself?"

Doctor Cullen turned to me and smiled sadly. "Rosalie protected Bella ferociously. My daughter believes that if she hadn't done that, Bella might be alive today."

He went out and closed the door.

I snorted in disbelief. Rosalie was wrong if she thought Bella would easily change her mind. She was very stubborn and wouldn't budge. I knew that first hand.

The sedative made me very sleepy. I yawned and tucked the sheet around myself.

Just before I fell asleep, I heard the door open softly. I looked up and noticed Blondie sitting on a chair next to the window. She reminded me of Leah after the battle with the newborn army. Leah had stood around my bed, unsure what to do and fidgeting with my bandages until I told her to go home and rest. 

I was too tired to shoo Rosalie away, though. Tried to smile my thanks but I was afraid it came out as a grimace.

oOoOo

In my dreams, I ran through the Canadian forest, my shanks brushing against the brambles. It was the full moon and she hung low over the mountains. I knew I had to get to those mountains though the reason escaped me. After I leaped over a big boulder, suddenly the silver wolf stood in front of me.

Though he was way smaller than me, there was something about the manner the wolf's eyes watched me, silvery in the moonlight, which made me shiver. I growled at him, my shackles standing up.

The Silver spoke directly into my mind though he wasn't my packmate, not even a shifter. 'What do you choose, Jacob Black?'

'What the hell?' I shook my muzzle in confusion.

'Ephraim's heir must choose. It is the way of the wild.'

The silver wolf loped towards me, his jaws opening in a wolfish smile. It wasn't comforting but menacing. I looked sideways, trying to escape him. There was a creek by the side of the copse and I jumped into it, my hind legs straining with the effort.  The water felt very warm against my fur.

I found myself in a hospital corridor. It was yellow and sterile. I looked left and right and it stretched far away into the distance. I breathed deeply, inhaling the antiseptic hospital odors which I hated. They reminded me of the night my mother passed away.

I stuck my sweaty hands in the pockets of my cutoff jeans; the corridor was too warm for me. I knew time was running short. I had come to the hospital to visit Bella. Had to find her room soon. They were going to operate her. She might die and I had to tell her I was sorry. I had been rude to her and I didn't want those words to be the final ones. Had to tell her how much she meant to me!  

I walked and the corridor just seemed to get longer. I didn't know where her room was; had to find a nurse or a doctor I could ask for directions because there were no signs. Started running but got lost in the maze. Sweat was running down my back and I was out of breath but I had to find her!

"In here!" someone said.

 I turned to the right and saw a door into a room. Walked inside but once I was past the threshold, the door closed by itself. It was a storage room, very small. I was nervous and the heat was stifling. Felt claustrophobic after having the run of the forest.

I was convinced whoever had trapped me here wouldn't let me go. I'd starve to death and meanwhile Bella would die. Wouldn't have time to say how sorry I was or kiss her goodbye.  

Went to the door, wiping the sweat from my forehead. I stared banging on it, shouting, "Lemme out, lemme out!"

It was useless though. The damned room wouldn't let me out. I leaned my head on the door and then I felt a soothing, welcoming cold on my brow. It refreshed me.

I puzzled my eyebrows in confusion when I felt a ghostly kiss on my forehead and heard a soothing voice. "I'm sorry, Jacob, so very sorry."

When I turned around and looked for the person who spoke, the hospital was gone. There was a tall pine to my right and I walked slowly towards it. Should've been more careful because a shadow jumped down from the tallest branch. Its eyes were red and I stumbled back in surprise.

I woke up with a start. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around blearily. For a moment I thought I saw the copper highlights of Edward's hair above the chair where Rosalie sat, but I blinked and when I looked again by the light of the dawn,  the chair was empty.

The dream had been oddly clear, just like Dad told me happened in the visions of the old ones. Hopefully I'd remember it later. Sighing, I puffed up the pillow before I laid my head on it.

 Of course it hadn't been Edward on that chair. I wasn't important to him, nor would I ever be.

Chapter three: The sensual awakening

Comments

[wirrrn.livejournal.com]

Awesome. Shame they're both guilty and grief stricken over Bella, rather than. "Oh well, let's f*ck", but I'm sure they'll get there ;)

[herumtreiber.livejournal.com]

Well, to tell the truth, I'm guilty and grief-stricken at writing them guilty and grief-stricken over Bella :)

Man, this chapter was draining! Can't wait till they cheer up! :)

[vanashta.livejournal.com]

Lovely,I like a bit of hurt/comfort!And when they get together ,they will be over "her" in no time! ;)

BTW,new J.S.looks good :D

[herumtreiber.livejournal.com]

I don't like them so downcast, so Seth will arrive and be his usual self :) They will have other things to occupy them.

Thank you, I think it looks nice too :D

[jeri-1116.livejournal.com]

I'm loving this, and I'm glad Jake got a reaction. Although he got hurt in the process, but it had to be done. And I'm guessing it was Edward on that chair wasn't it? Hope Jake isn't to hurt,but I don't mind the angst.

Oh I see there may be some nice Rosalie in this as well? I can't wait for more.

Great chapter.

[herumtreiber.livejournal.com]

Jake provoked Edward because he despaired at seeing his apathy. He felt he had to do it, he was also rattled by Edward's raw description.

Edward was not only on that chair, he did one other thing :) There's one thing Edward indulges in, and it will help bring them closer together.

Rosalie also feels guilty and it will do her good to talk with Jake and viceversa :)

Thank you very much!

[fairygodmother9.livejournal.com]

Just started reading this and I love it! I like the way you brought the grief over Bella's death. Can't wait for the next chapter.

[herumtreiber.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad you liked it! It was hard to write them in such anguish, but they had to go through it. Edward had to pour his grief and Jake had to try and make him react.

Things ought to get better in that they can interact with each other.

Thank you very much!