herumtreiber

Title: Ghost Road
Chapter thirteen: The crossroads
Author:

herumtreiber
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst
Characters: Jacob/Edward, Alice, Rosalie, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Emmett, Paul, Leah
Chapter length: ~4,211
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me. This is for fun, not profit.
Summary: Edward faces a tough choice.

Table of contents

Chapter twelve: The Beta's advice

EPOV

Sounds and melodies were linked in my mind. My ears would pick up the soft rustle of the trees, or the rhythm of a spoon striking a bowl, and try to fashion songs out of it. After that night, I would connect a soft thudding sound with impending doom.

I was frantic about Jacob, ruing my delay in baring my secrets. I was afraid that he would leave me and I would be left alone. Little did I know that life had planned something excruciatingly painful for us.

I frowned when I heard the thudding sound of the remote hitting the floor. Looking at Alice's frightened expression gave me pause; and when she said she had seen Jacob, I dove into her mind.

My world shattered in pieces when I grasped her vision. Jacob was lying on the ground, bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound in his head. Two dark shapes approached him in the shadows and picked up his prostrate body.

I screamed hoarsely because this vision was the stuff of my worst nightmares; it made me relive Bella's death all over again. To halt this maddening descent into chaos, I closed my eyes and clutched desperately the memory of Jake laughing in the meadow.

I would not believe this was real until I saw his dead body. My hands gripped the couch so tightly it broke; I stopped when I felt the wood shards against my fingers. A soothing feeling descended over me and I gazed at Jasper, who was frowning at me.

Jasper felt it necessary to dull my pain. This brought me back to earth because if I wanted to save Jacob, I had to act fast.

"Where is he?" I said hoarsely.

Alice stood up and walked towards the window. "Can't say, the vision flickers in and out of existence."

"What's going on?" Rosalie glided towards Alice and clutched her shoulders. "What's happening with Jacob?"

"He is in the woods. Someone shot him in the head." Alice said softly.

"What? That can't be." Rosalie wrapped her arms around herself.

"It's what I saw. Something strange allows me to see Jacob, though it's blurry."

I couldn't stay in the house; my wolf needed me! I stood up and jumped up, breaking through the window; slivers of wood and glass shards rained all around me as I landed on the lawn. This was the fastest way to the forest. I heard thumping sounds behind me as my siblings and Carlisle followed.

Rosalie stepped towards me while her hand fished inside her jacket. She pulled out a cell phone and her thumb touched the screen while she said fervently, "Please, please answer, wolf. Be safe."

I heard Jacob's phone in the distance, but then there was the sharp report of a gun. It was too late; they had already shot him!

I had to help him! Snarling like a demon, I ran into the woods. The trees appeared blurry, like the whirlwind of emotions in my mind.

I followed the sound of his phone like a beacon. The thoughts of my family right behind me were distracting me so I didn't pay attention; I caught snippets in the few seconds it took me to reach Jake. Alice had remained behind; she was calling for an air ambulance and was instructing them to land in front of the house.

My heart shattered when I reached my wolf. Jacob's nude body lay on the ground; his jeans tied around his ankle. His position was awkward, quite unlike the grace he always displayed. There was a stream of blood running down from the wound in his forehead. I hastily tore off my shirt, tearing strips off it to fashion a crude bandage. I leaned down and wrapped it gently around his head.

Rosalie gave me a curt nod and growled at the woods. "Take good care of Jacob; I'm going to catch those bastards!"

"Going with you," Emmett said.

The two ran into the forest while Carlisle adjusted the rapidly soaking bandage around Jake's head. He checked his pulse. 'He's still alive; though I'm afraid his blood pressure is dropping.'

I brushed my hand over Jacob's bloodied cheek. He had told me that even if a bullet went right through his head, his powers would allow him to live. I held on to his words like a lifeline.

Carlisle opened Jake's eyelids to check his pupils, and then nodded at me. I bent down and gently lifted my wolf.

Gazing sideways at me, Carlisle said, "The helicopter should arrive soon. We need to get Jake to the hospital so I can operate on him."

"Why? Jacob said his powers would heal him even if he shot himself in the head." I walked towards the house, taking care not to jostle my precious Jake; thankful for once that my cursed existence allowed me this unearthly grace.

"Complications are bound to arise." Carlisle explained. "The pressure of the bullet as it struck will cause swelling, and there are probably fragments of bone inside his brain. I will have to check the X-rays to decide whether an operation is warranted."

He muttered, "We have to hurry; his healing ability gives us little time to make sure he heals correctly." Carlisle heaved a deep sigh. "It could have been worse, Edward. The bullet struck a glancing blow to his forehead; if it had hit him directly…"

I shuddered at that thought. Even Jasper's soothing power comforting me could not shut out the dreadful reality of the night. I concentrated on getting Jacob to safety. He was all that mattered to me because he was all that anchored me to this world.

The pull of the abyss dragged me ever downward. My thoughts became hazy, limned with the sharp pain of what they had done to Jacob. On our way to the house, Carlisle made small talk I didn't get. My anguished thoughts were concentrated on Jake; he could not die! Those fragments of bone Carlisle told me about couldn't portend anything good though; what would happen during the operation?

The clattering sound of the rotor blades of the helicopter touching down startled me. I was surprised how fast we had gotten there because my mind was jumbled.

A woman clad in a dark uniform slid open the cabin door and jumped down. She was followed by two men; they pulled out a stretcher where I gently laid down my wolf. The paramedics carefully lifted it and climbed inside.

"I will go with you," said Carlisle. "I'm Dr. Cullen."

"Sir, that is not allowed." She peeked at the cabin, where the men were hooking an IV drip to Jake's arm.

"I've worked with Dr. Richardson, the Chief of surgery at Olympic Medical Center in Port Angeles. Furthermore, I know the troubled medical history of the wounded young man." Then Carlisle pointed at me. "This is Edward Masen, my assistant; he is also aware of Mr. Black's health issues."

"Well…" The young woman frowned, weighing in her mind Carlisle's demeanor. She was impressed by his professionalism and sedate manner. The brunette finally relented and motioned us inside.

The helicopter took off. I gazed forlornly at the rapidly shrinking forest below while the paramedics hooked Jake to monitoring devices which measured his pulse and temperature.

"This can't be right!" said the woman. "His temperature is way too high!"

Carlisle moved too fast for human eyes to follow and fiddled with the back of the machine; then he said, "Surely Mr. Black's temperature is a bit high due to the stress of the bullet's impact."

The woman's fingertips traced the digital readout. "Well, it's gone back to normal." She frowned at the display and a few seconds later she groaned. "The thermometer is malfunctioning; it's all over the place."

oOoOo

I waited outside the operating room. They had taken Jacob to another floor for CAT scans, X-rays, and other analyses I didn't care to know but were essential now. Two orderlies pushed the rolling bed with Jake and entered the room. A few seconds later, Carlisle returned; he was with another doctor and a nurse.

He motioned me aside. 'Jasper and Esme are on their way, son.' He frowned and tugged the blue surgical mask covering his mouth. 'Alice tried to contact Jacob's pack; they all seem to be gone, even Billy Black. I'm operating on Jacob without the approval of his next of kin because there's no time to lose. We must ensure his body can heal properly.'

I groaned in despair. I wanted to destroy the monsters that hurt my love! I clenched my fists to refrain from hitting the wall.

Carlisle stepped towards the operating room and paused for a second, looking intently at me. 'Son, I want you to know that I've always been proud of you. I was wracked with guilt because I turned you to save your life, but through the years your love and caring soothed my existence. I have no regrets whatsoever about saving you because you and your siblings have immeasurably enriched my life.'

After Carlisle entered the operating room, a nurse walked towards me. It was Alice.

'Edward, I think I saw Jacob because of the shock to his system when the bullet hit.'

"Can you see him now?" I whispered softly.

'Destiny takes divergent paths tonight. The future is too cloudy for me to see right now and given Jacob's ability to hide from me, that is surely a good sign, right?' She patted my shoulder and walked inside, fingering the sleeve of her surgical gown.

Half a minute later, the disgruntled doctor came out the door. He was followed by the nurse, who was shaking her head. Carlisle could be very persuasive; he didn't want any more people than necessary observing Jacob's healing ability.

I didn't know precisely what he told them because I shrank back from delving into my father's mind; I didn't want to see him cutting into my Jacob. I trusted his skills to ensure Jacob's powers had room to act; Carlisle would take care of the wound so his body could recover from the impact of the bullet.

Pacing up and down the corridor, I wanted to hurt myself for allowing this to happen. I should have followed Jacob in his patrol, but he didn't want me to. He was angry because of me; in a sense, I provided the killers with the opportunity to get to him!

I wondered how Jake would react if he could hear me. He'd probably mock me for assuming the world rested upon my shoulders. He'd say I was being too emotional again, and he would have a point because Jacob would have gone on patrol anyway.

I placed my hands on the cold wall, tilting down my chin to glare at the floor. Those damned hunters were outside my control. If I ever found the ones who did this I would have no compunctions in killing them; they had tried to kill my wolf!

My fingers curled in a fist and I tried so hard to control myself, to keep from hitting the wall and voicing my despair.

Remorse filled me at the thought that I hadn't told Jacob what he meant to me; how much his presence buoyed me up. I wanted to see his smile; I yearned to hear his raspy voice. Most of all, I wanted the opportunity to finally tell him the truth, that I was so deeply in love with him it scared me.

My perception of time became disjointed and fuzzy; the minutes crawling slowly as if they were trapped in amber. The soft sound of the nurses passing by merged with the hum of the electrical equipment.

I closed my eyes and my mind pictured Jacob through the years. The handsome Quileute boy whose ebony hair reached down his back; it had looked so silky I had to refrain from running my fingers through it. I recalled the boy who defied me time and again as he wooed Bella.

I sobbed dryly, remembering the heartbroken expression on Jake's face when I let him know Bella would marry me. The wrenching pain in his mind made me cringe, but I thought the truth would help Jacob move on.

I shuddered at the fire in his brown eyes after he refused to kill me, his mortal enemy, when I asked him to. Instead he did whatever he could to give me back my life.

All the while, I tried to ignore the notion implied in Carlisle's thoughts. With the absence of the pack and Jacob's father, I was the person who had to decide about Jacob's care. It wasn't just life support, for I could offer him true resuscitation.

I was startled when the doors swished open and they rolled out his bed. The many devices he was hooked up to made me cringe; and the grayish tint of his face, what was visible beneath the bandages, scared me. He looked so wan!

"Alice, I will see to it that any record of the operation is destroyed." Carlisle motioned for Alice to go. She pushed the rolling hospital bed which held my wolf.

Carlisle turned to me. 'Edward, I won't lie to you. The situation is critical; there was a small piece of bone near the hypothalamus. Thankfully it was the only one. I have to say that Jacob's recuperative powers are amazing; even as I operated, I could observe the tissue repairing itself.'

"What is the prognosis?" I said weakly, bracing myself for the worst.

'Alice is taking him to a room I've secured for him. It is private but has all the devices and security of the Intensive Care Unit.' Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder. 'I have faith in Jacob's strong body and mind, son. But things could change; his blood pressure dropped rapidly when I operated, and I'm not sure if the blood…'

"What about it?"

'He lost a lot of blood; thankfully, when Quil and the others came here I persuaded them to donate and Quil's blood was compatible. I'm not sure what the consequences will be, given Jake's inherent powers.' Carlisle sighed sadly. 'There was no choice though, without the transfusion he would have died.'

oOoOo

Draped in shadows, I stood on the corner of the room. Jacob looked so vulnerable it broke my heart because he was always the strong one. His presence in any room hardly went unnoticed; his vitality flowed in the sweep of his broad shoulders and his warm smile.

He was deeply embedded in the world, so much a part of it that it broke me seeing him pumped up with medicines and tied to the monitoring devices. Jake's head was swathed in bandages and his eyelids were puffy. There were so many electronics hooked up to my wolf, he who was so alive and natural.

That dreadful night I relived the pain I felt when I stood watch over Bella, hoping she would somehow wake up; knowing in my bones she was dead and my venom had failed.

But I knew Jacob was tenacious; he would hold on to life with fingers and claws. I counted on his strength and thirst for life.

It was in the dead of night that Carlisle's hints haunted me. What if the stress of the wound and the operation was too much for Jake? What would I do if he died?

I could bite him and transmit the venom which would make him immortal, turning him into a Cold One, despised by his tribe.

I shuddered when I imagined Jake's warmth changed into cold, his loving brown eyes turned red, crazed with the desire to feed and kill. I recoiled at the way this would change my gentle, loving wolf. From being the protector of this land, he would turn into the undead predator.

I had tried to save Bella by turning her, but she craved the chance. She yearned for the opportunity to become one of us.

Jake wouldn't enjoy life as a vampire; he hated the imprint so forcefully because he wanted to be free. If I turned him he would become a monster, trapped by his darkest instincts just like me.

But if I lost Jacob, I would lose whatever love and warmth this existence held for me.

I knew then what Alice meant when she saw many paths diverging tonight.

I was at a crossroads and faced a cruel decision. The forks on the road were clear in my mind. One led to the meadow in Portland and the happy remembrance of Jake smiling winsomely at me, lifting me off the ground as he wrapped me in his strong arms. I shared with him the place where I enjoyed the ineffable moment, the joy and innocence of the girl whose name I never knew. I chose not to infect her with the taint of my cursed existence, and Jake lauded my decision.

So I could let Jake go free just like I did with the girl. He would be lost to me; instead he would die and leave this world to travel the path of his ancestors.

The other road led to changing Jacob so we could live forever, just like I tried to do with Bella.

If I had been faced with this decision months ago, I would have turned him because I didn't ever want to lose him. He was my anchor and solace in this world. But Jacob had taught me selflessness; I admired his deeply ingrained instinct to protect and cherish. He had risked himself when he angered me purposefully so I would shake off the apathy that engulfed me.

I had a choice between selfishness and altruism. I could do what was best for me and hold onto Jacob at all costs, or I could prefer what was best for him. Did I care enough for Jake to let him go?

The love that bound me to him forced me to choose the hard road. If it came to that, I would let him die. I wouldn't turn him; I couldn't destroy his soul just to assuage my miserable existence. Jake deserved so much more!

I sobbed bitterly at the realization that he had changed me. The little girl and Jacob had so much in common: pure hearts that couldn't be corrupted by the world. If the worst happened, I would cherish his memory by letting him go even though I would face a dreadful eternity of loneliness. I was sure that, however long I endured in this world, I would never meet someone like my Jake.

The decision brought me calm, tinged by despair; and the weary years stretching ahead of me weighed on my imagination. I took out my phone and, in the misery that enveloped me, I typed the message I would send to Leah if Jacob died.

"Jacob died and I stood there and did nothing. That should tell you what I feel for him."

I expected the pack would be outraged. They would think I had played with Jake's heart and might tear me to pieces.

But the remembrance of Jacob's body sliding down the wall after I hit him stayed my hand. My wolf had done so much to heal my mind, to give me so many reasons to live.

With a grimace, I put the phone back in my pocket. I would not throw away Jake's precious gift, instead I would honor the trust he placed in me by continuing to endure. The prospect filled me with dread as I visualized the loneliness that waited for me, but Jake's actions demanded nothing less.

oOoOo

Rosalie returned some hours later. She knocked on the door and timidly pushed it. She looked disheveled and her clothes bore traces of a fight; I even noticed a smudge on her elbow.

"How is he?"

"Carlisle operated on him, it was delicate. Now we have to wait and see."

"I'll tell you later what happened with those guys." She crossed her arms and sighed. "If things end up badly, have you thought about…?"

"Turning him?" I growled low in my throat. "I won't allow it! If anyone tries, I'll fight them. Jake deserves to leave this world in dignity."

I choked back a sob when Rosalie gently patted my shoulders. "Edward, I admire your restraint so much. It shows you really love him."

She went to the bed and gently lifted Jake's hand to kiss the palm, taking care not to dislodge the intravenous tube.

I read the thoughts of my other siblings. Alice and Jasper were on the corridor, sitting on the chairs. Alice was trying to distract herself by imagining new clothes for the nurses while Jasper barely kept his grip. The roiling emotions of the people in the hospital finally proved too much for him and he stood up to leave.

"What time is it?" I whispered.

Rose took out her phone and glanced at it. "A quarter to four."

I nodded and closed my eyes, wishing more than ever I had the comfort of crying. Without any doubt, these were the worst hours I had endured in my long existence.

It got worse when I heard strange beeping noises coming from one of the machines. I ran outside; guided by Carlisle's thoughts, I reached him a few seconds later.

"Jake's in trouble!"

He nodded and grabbed some syringes and equipment, and then he rushed to the room. I stood on the threshold, looking in as Carlisle examined Jacob and gazed intently at the monitoring devices. He jabbed Jake's forearm with a syringe, injecting a medicine.

Before the machine returned to its usual beeping, the comforting sound of my wolf's heart soothed me. I took a step inside the room and reclined against the wall. I was so wrung out and nervous, I just slumped down to the floor.

I was dizzy with anguish. My mind did not connect that well with the world; I hardly noticed Carlisle and Esme holding me up and guiding me to a chair.

"Don't worry, son." Esme whispered, lovingly patting my shoulder. "Jacob is a strong young man; he will pull through. He loves you so much, I'm sure he's fighting to live."

I rubbed my hands over my face, holding doggedly to our memories together. I recalled the times I watched him walk away from our confrontations, wishing I could make things right for him so he could enjoy the happiness he deserved; the dark hours when I thought about Jake during our time apart while Bella withered to a husk and finally died, and Jacob's relaxed expression in the garage while he worked on the Porsche. I treasured the joyful moment when he fell asleep on the car as we returned from Portland at the end of our date.

Lost in remembrance, I hardly noticed Paul and Leah walking into the room. They spoke quietly with Rosalie and then walked up to me.

"Is this yours?" Paul picked up the phone that had fallen from my pocket and glanced at the message I wrote. "What's this shit?"

Leah peeked at the small screen over his shoulders while Paul glared at me.

"This is a nasty trick, Cullen!" Paul mumbled, "But I know how much you care for Jacob, it was all over his memories of you two. Hope you've changed your mind." Then he leaned towards me and he put the phone on my hand, nodding curtly. "The blonde leech told me you refused to turn Jacob. I appreciate that very much, man!"

Leah wiped the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "Jacob looks awful!"

"He does; though he looks better than before." Rosalie said. "He has more color in his cheeks."

Leah nodded at my sister; then she leaned towards me and whispered, "I know what it is to have a broken heart. You have my deepest sympathies, Cullen."

"So you're still pining after Sam?" Paul growled.

"Course not, Paul. I needed to find someone else, and I think I have." She grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door. "We'll wait outside. Jacob is hurt and needs space."

I looked intently at Jake. Rosalie was right; I noticed his skin, which had seemed so gray before, was slowly regaining the russet shade I loved so much.

Time passed slowly as I tried to gather my strength. I gazed occasionally at the window, noting the darkness giving way to light.

A nurse would come every two hours to check his vitals and the IV drip. Thankfully Carlisle had fiddled with the machines so they gave innocuous data.

The nurse changed the empty serum bag several rounds later. "He's looking good," she said, scrunching up her eyebrows while she wrote down the data.

Too exhausted to reply properly, I nodded dumbly. After she left, I noticed Jake's eyelids twitching.

The worst night I spent on this earth had long passed when, in the midday sun, despair swiftly transmuted into hope after I watched Jake's eyes fluttering open.

Chapter fourteen: The tale of the two wolves