Say it with ferrets: Choosing godparents

[herumtreiber]

Title: Choosing godparents
Author herumtreiber 
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word Count:  1998
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fluff, humour, MPreg.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the rest belong to JK Rowling, I only play with them. 
Beta: None


Table of contents



Paging Doctor Draco

"I can't believe you two are going to be parents!" Hermione glared at the men seated around the table in her dining room. "You act just like you did at Hogwarts!"

Whilst Draco smirked, Harry squirmed on his seat. Ron was busy moving his head from side to side.

Hermione fixed her stern gaze on Harry. "You are the chief trainer for the Aurors; don't you think you should behave with more decorum? You arrived at the gala like you were a rumpled penguin."

Ron and Draco sniggered, but a glare from Hermione shut them up.

Before Harry could answer, Hermione admonished Draco. "And you, Malfoy - you're an Unspeakable. You should behave accordingly!"

Ron took off his earphones and asked Draco, "What is it you do, anyway?"

Draco smirked. "I can't tell you. If I did, I'd have to-"

"Kill us, I know the drill, Draco," huffed Hermione.

Draco steepled his fingers and looked at Hermione with what purported to be an angelic smile. "No, Granger. I'd Obliviate you. I don't kill or maim, just Obliviate."

Ron laughed, but he shut up when Hermione scowled at him. Draco continued nonchalantly, "But seeing as how you're the Golden Trio, I'll tell you what I'm working on."

Draco leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. "There's a rumour that a new Dark Lord is on the rise."

Harry piped up, "The Aurors haven't heard anything like that, Draco."

"It's top secret, Harry. Thing is, this new Dark Lord seems to be infiltrating the Muggles."

"How so, Malfoy?" Hermione looked sideways at her husband, and when she noticed that Ron unobtrusively tried to stand up, she snorted and looked pointedly at him. Ron remained seated.

"Well, we've received reports that someone's fiddling with the muggle internet," said Draco.

Harry frowned and shifted nervously on the chair.

"It seems that Google results are being tampered with. We Unspeakables believe it's some evil conspiracy." Draco stared at Hermione's laptop on the table as if he wanted to seize it and study its contents. "We're determined to get to the bottom of this."

Harry started sweating profusely. He bit his lip nervously.

But Hermione would not be deterred from the dressing down she felt the wizards deserved. She waved her arms and dismissed Draco's words. "Whatever. What matters is that you two," she motioned to the former Seekers. "Are behaving like schoolboys."

The witch stood up and went to the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea to calm her nerves. She continued talking as she waved her wand to fix her tea, "You should be more responsible, think of the child! Draco, you especially should be considerate of Harry's condition!"

Hermione poured her tea whilst she thought about dissuading Draco from his revenge. Really, turning Harry into a rabbit! Though I must admit he'd look great. A fat black bunny, with a strip of white fur on his forehead - a lightning bolt. One ear droops, the other sticking straight up. The bunny would twitch his whiskers and he'd be wearing glasses. That'd be so cute! I want to do it!

Hermione chastised herself whilst she walked back to the dining room. This is childish of me. I must think of my godchild! I'll wait until after the baby is born.

Draco pouted. "No tea for us, Granger?"

"I don't fix tea for juvenile pranksters, Malfoy! By the way, who are going to be the godparents?"

"Haven't decided yet. But they'll have to be Animagi," replied Draco.

Hermione pushed away her cup of tea with an angry motion. The liquid spilt over the rim of the cup and stained the tablecloth but she paid it no mind. "I can't believe how much a snob you still are, Malfoy! Animagi! Must be an old Malfoy tradition!"

Draco held up his hands pleadingly. "Don't bite my head off, Granger! Wasn't my idea. It was Harry's!"

Hermione looked at Harry with a betrayed expression. The pregnant Auror hastened to explain. "Mione, it's my intention to honour Sirius. The baby's name will be Severus Sirius." Harry smirked eerily like Draco. "He'll be the Gryffindor Seeker of course."

Draco growled. "Are you barmy, Harry? The baby will be named Vulpecula and she'll be the Slytherin Seeker."

Harry glared. "No child of mine will be the Slytherin Seeker!"

Draco craftily replied, "So Vulpecula can be the Gryffindor Seeker then?"

Harry hit the table with his fist, causing more spilt tea. "No! I refuse to let a child go through life with a name like that!"

Ron sniggered. "Who was called that, Malfoy? Your great-grandmother?"

Draco smiled tiredly. "Actually, I looked up the name on the muggle Web. I liked it very much. But I'll defer to you, Harry."

Ron smiled proudly. "Animagus? Looks like I'll be the godfather, huh!"

"Wouldn't be so sure, Weasley," replied Draco. "Blaise is convinced his Animagus is a honey badger. Last time I saw him, he sported a slim tail."

Harry rubbed his hands with glee, adding, "Snape is sure he is a bat Animagus."

"He certainly looks like one," quipped Ron.

Harry smiled nervously whilst he wiggled on the chair. Noticing this, Hermione asked solicitously, "You're uncomfortable, Harry? Do you want a cushion?"

"No, I'm fine, Hermione," said Harry while Draco tried to hide his smirk. But the brunet noticed and decided to punish his wayward husband.

"Actually, I'm craving ice cream." Harry pouted and looked at Draco with shining eyes. "Can you bring me some from that store? You know the flavour I want."

Draco sighed resignedly and stood up. "I'll get it for you, Harry." The Slytherin looked at Ron and motioned to the door. "Coming, Weasley?"

Ron nodded and stood up. "Sure. One can never have enough ice cream. And I'm hungry."

When the two were at the door, Harry called to Draco, "And bring me some halibut. I don't like sardines anymore."

"Whatever you want, Harry," said Draco whilst Hermione sneered.

---

Once Draco and Ron had left, Hermione fixed Harry with a steely gaze. "Spill the beans, Harry!"

"What do you mean, Mione?"

"You're clearly nervous about something. You've been sweating and squirming. Something's the matter with Draco?"

"It's not him, it's the baby."

Hermione covered her mouth in shock. "Is she all right? Have you seen a mediwizard? I can take you to St. Mungo's right now if you want."

Harry held up his hands. "The baby is all right." The brunet bit his lip worriedly. "It's the birth I'm worried about."

"What do you mean, Harry?"

"Draco told me how the baby is supposed to come out - through the back door so to speak. It'll be quite painful!"

Hermione looked towards the ceiling, trying to understand her friend's words. With Harry, everything was possible.

Hermione started laughing uncontrollably when she realised what Harry meant.

"It's not funny, Mione! I'm the one who's going to be split in half by the birth!" Harry huffed. "I reckon you wouldn't be so happy if it was you who had to-"

Hermione nearly fell off her chair, she was laughing so hard. Making a supreme effort, she managed to contain her hilarity whilst Harry glared at her.

Finally she regained her composure, muttering indignantly, "Men! They can't do research even when they're pregnant!"

Harry crossed his arms and pouted; tears of frustration started rolling down his cheeks. Seeing this, Hermione decided to tell him the truth, her way.

"Tell me, Harry, have you ever wondered how wizards came up with Wingardium leviosa?"

Harry whinged. "What does that have to do with my pitiful situation?"

"Bear with me, Harry. Answer, please."

"Can't say I have."

Hermione smiled, and her voice took a didactic tone as she explained. "The wizards and witches observed feathers and leaves drifting down - that spurred their curiosity and imagination."

"Really?" said Harry in a bored tone, wondering what that had to do with the awful situation he was in.

Hermione continued. "They wondered how they could duplicate that effect using the magic they possessed and some enterprising wizard came up with the spell."

Hermione swished her wand and accio'd some ice cream with anchovies from the refrigerator when she heard Harry's stomach rumbling.

She poured a generous amount of ice cream in a bowl and handed it to Harry. "What about Avada kedavra? Ever wonder how they came up with it?"

Harry shook his head morosely and started eating the treat.

"Probably they saw how lightning killed people." Hermione had a glint in her eyes as she visualised the ancient witches and what they knew. "An evil wizard came up with the idea of creating a spell just as deadly as lightning."

Hermione grabbed a napkin and wiped a spot of ice cream on Harry's chin. She asked softly, "What about Apparition?"

"What about it?" replied Harry between spoonfuls of ice cream.

"Well, though male pregnancies are rare, they are not that uncommon." Hermione gazed at the shelf full of books, as if to draw inspiration from them.

"The thing is, Harry, that when a wizard is about to give birth, the child does not come out through some body channel. Instead the birth occurs through a type of Apparition."

Harry stopped eating and looked sharply at his best friend. "Really? You're not taking the piss?"

Hermione waved her arms angrily. "Course not! I'm not your husband intent on pranking you!"

She continued more softly. "You've noticed something strange in Draco's behaviour?"

"Can't say I have."

"I've observed him, Harry. In his own way, he's tender with you. You used to fight a lot before your pregnancy, but now he tries to accommodate your wishes."

Harry gazed pensively at the windowpane. "Maybe."

Hermione grabbed a rag and tried to wipe the tea stain on the tablecloth. "Draco is trying to build a strong rapport with you. An unconscious bond. That's why he allows you to freeze him when he is a ferret and doesn't try to retaliate - much."

Hermione shook her head. I won't tell Harry about the bunny transformation. He's overwrought enough as it is.

Harry looked guiltily at his ice cream, taking another spoonful. "Why is he so patient then?"

Hermione leaned toward Harry and whispered. "When you give birth you'll apparate your baby out of the womb, together with the afterbirth. You'll be moving another person - not yourself. That demands total concentration. You'll need your husband's help to focus entirely on moving the baby."

Hermione reclined on the chair and stared at the tea stain; finally she took out her wand and vanished it. "You'll need the rapport you and Draco are nurturing."

Harry beamed when he realised the birth would not be as messy as he feared.

Hermione lifted her eyebrows. "Merlin knows how, but you two are building it."

Harry's mood changed from elation to anger quite rapidly. "Bloody wanker! That annoying furry pillock and his lies!"

Harry glared at his spoon. "I'll freeze him when he's a ferret. Will wear him around my neck like a stole!" He pushed away the bowl. "I will only let him down to help with the baby - and to make love."

Hermione shook her head, looking fondly at Harry. "There's a better way to avenge yourself, Harry. Besides the baby will need two parents."

Hermione pushed a folder towards Harry. "Tell me, does Draco know about the Horcruxes?"

Harry growled. "Probably the Unspeakable wanker found out about them on the web. Wouldn't surprise me."

"Is he more jealous of Ginny or Cho?"

"Neither. It's Krum, he figures I'm stuck on Seekers." Harry snorted. "As if!"

Hermione smiled evilly whilst she took out her quill. "This is what we'll do…"

The perils of the web

Comments

[songquake.livejournal.com]

God, Harry's such a prat! He should totally be turned into a black bunny! You know, once Vulpecula is Apparated out of his womb.

And Hermione is no better, encouraging Harry's bad behavior! Pah!

[herumtreiber.livejournal.com]

Don't worry, they will get what they deserve :)